THOUGHTLESSLY CRUEL
"Remind the people to be...peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men" (Titus 3:1, 2).
A couple of years ago, my wife planted blueberries beside our house, about seventy feet away from the nearest faucet. We had a cheap hose at the time that kept splitting as I hauled it across the lawn to water the blueberries. I had to cut the hose and reset a new nozzle every time it split, so I finally got fed up and went to the hardware store and got a "heavy-duty, industrial strength" hose, guaranteed not to split.
I felt so happy with my purchase -- finally a decent hose! It made me smile, just looking at it. I'd pick it up, feel its weight, and say to myself, "No way this baby is ever gonna split."
Imagine my chagrin when Lisa barged into the house one evening and exclaimed, "I hate that stupid hose!"
My superindustrial-strength beauty proved far too heavy for my poor wife. When she tried to lug it across the front yard and the driveway to reach the side of our house, it felt like she was trying to pull a stubborn mule. I bought that hose thinking of me; I never even considered whether Lisa would be able to lift it.
Although some might consider this a simple inconsiderate act, at a deeper level it revealed my prideful self-centeredness. I didn't mean to act intentionally cruel, but I did act thoughtlessly cruel. I simply didn't pay attention to what was best for Lisa. Worse, I hadn't even thought about Lisa when I made the purchase. I had grown tired of repairing the hose, so I determined to make my own life better -- as it turned out, at her expense. (We ultimately found a coiled hose that weighed much less but still stretched the necessary distance.)
Spiritual humility -- what the ancients called "the queen of the virtues" invites us to become more thoughtful, more aware, and more sensitive to others. In our arrogance, we can get so wrapped up in our own world that we can't see anyone else.
Humility is often built on the little things in life, and marriage is 90 percent small stuff. These small occurrences are, as writer Andrew Murray puts it, "the tests of eternity" because they reveal what's in our hearts. We don't build humility on giant gestures as much as forge it with consistent, thoughtful actions, day after day.
This "queen of the virtues" so often gets misunderstood. We don't find humility by demeaning ourselves or criticizing ourselves or denying that God has given us obvious gifts and talents. Vertically, we find biblical humility by pointing others to the one true hero of Scripture, namely, God himself: "He must become greater; I must become less" (John 3:30). Horizontally, we find it by thinking less about ourselves and more about others (Philippians 2:4). We embrace humility when we refuse to get so wrapped up in our own worlds that we can examine what we are doing and saying in light of how our actions affect those around us. We find it when we stop pretending we are at the center of the universe, and instead adopt Jesus' attitude of becoming a servant of all (Mark 9:35) -- which requires us to start actively thinking about others.
What better arena to learn this than in marriage? What relationship seems designed to confront our self-preoccupation more than living with a spouse?
Learn the joy of consideration. Free yourself from the constraints of being focused on yourself. Allow God to use your marriage to teach you to think of others.
In what areas of your marriage are you being thoughtlessly cruel? Where are you not even considering how your actions (or inactions) are making life difficult for your spouse?
by Gary Thomas
Posted by Prophecies Of Revelation
at 3:58 PM CDT
