Mood:
amorousOne of the most important issues in marriage is being able to be honest and say how we feel. Honesty is an essential element of intimacy. Honesty also means we are dealing with issues as they arise so anger isn't building under the surface. Being honest and giving our spouse the ability to be honest without fear of paying a price for that honesty is crucial.
That being said the question then becomes -- what happens when you are honest and your spouse doesn't agree with something you've said? For example, let's say you are bothered by your spouse's spending habits and tell them so. In response, he or she says you're wrong and it's your problem.
You see, even though you are honest, it doesn't mean you're not going to have any problems or are going to like the honesty. In fact, it always means you're going to have to deal with some unpleasant truth. Dealing with these types of things properly is important in keeping your relationship healthy and the lines of communication open.
When you express how you feel and your spouse doesn't agree or doesn't respond in a positive manner the worst thing you can do is try to enforce your opinion. Let's go back to our example. Let's say you tell your spouse you don't agree with their spending habits and they don't agree with you. The wrong thing to do is to verbally assault them, call them names, withdraw or punish them until they agree with you and change.
If you try to enforce your opinions that is control. It will always result in your spouse resenting you and withdrawing emotionally. He or she will also learn it is not safe to be honest with you.
For honesty to occur in a safe environment, we need to be able to share how we feel without being punished, shamed or browbeaten. Once we've shared and haven't agreed, then the thing we must do is take the issues to God in prayer. Only God can change hearts and help us understand things on a higher level.
When we pray, we are asking God to change our spouse or to show us our problems. Either way, no damage will be done to the open and loving spirit of our relationship. Also, we are inviting God into our marriage to be the glue that holds us together.
Without trusting in God, marriage will inevitably become a battle of wills. You won't be able to have a loving and honest relationship because control and manipulation will prevent it from happening.
All of us need honest relationships. It is crucial. However, that honesty must be combined with a trust in God and a commitment to let Him be the enforcer of truth.
Blessings,
Jimmy Evans
http://www.marriagetoday.org
